The Space Traffic Control Officer came to her desk. She had her usual cup of coffee and a tablet which she put in the dock. She was about to go to the restroom when the radio next to her lit up.
“I am KingOfChaos. Over.” Said a voice from the other side of the radio.
“I am the Queen of England. The Majesty at your service, Over. ” She replied without blinking. There was a long pause of silence. She could have taken the restroom break, but she didn’t in anticipation. In about twenty minutes the radio rang again –
“I am KingOfChaos, the criminal the world cannot comprehend. The creator of worlds, the conqueror of The Milky Way. I am the most powerful man in the universe. You dare mock me!”
The voice recogniser in the computer beeped, a file of KingOfChaos instantly came up on the screen.
The Officer knew who he was without opening the file, she shot back, “KingOfChaos! The creator of worlds – my ass. What are you so high on man? The crook who thinks he is a criminal mastermind. You are just a petty thief, as delusional as it gets. You haven’t created any worlds; it is all in your head. You have only left a trail of crime. So I ask in the name of God, stop this mayhem. Surrender, and we will treat you leniently. I promise.”
The radio paused again, and she couldn’t resist running to the restroom. The time she came back, she had missed the reply. She had forgotten to turn on the recorder.
“I am sorry, I lost your last message, it was too grainy!” She sent and waited for another twenty minutes.
“YOU IDIOT! You didn’t record it! Do you know why it takes this long to receive a message? Do you even understand that with all the quantum entangled radio relay, it takes roughly twenty minutes to reach either way? That is how far I am. If you want to catch me; you will have to come here for my surrender. I am right at the edge of the solar system, beyond the heliopause somewhere, floating in Space. ‘Nuff said – I am not here to speak to some menial staff like you. Call your Superior or some Intelligence Agents. I have something significant and urgent. SO PLEASE, THE NEXT MESSAGE SHOULD BE SOMEBODY HIGHER? Do you understand?”
The Officer got annoyed at being called menial. “I am what you get you piece of shit! Tell me what you want. I will pass it on if it is relevant. I only expect it to be horse shit from a delusional junkie.”
During the pause, she analysed the signal and found that beyond a point, she couldn’t pinpoint where he was, but wherever he was, he was far. Farther than anybody, at least the signal source was. She called the Intelligence Office. In the meantime, she got another message. This time she recorded it.
“Look, you are annoying me. You either call the Intelligence Agents, or the Earth will know it differently. I have in front of me something the world will want a share. Something so valuable, it will make the country rich. SO, DON’T WASTE MY TIME LADY! Call the Intelligence Authorities! THIS TIME I AM NOT DELUSIONAL! So stop calling me that!”
The last time he called a few years ago, he said he discovered a mind-altering drug in one of Saturn’s moons. It was a stone that he said he found in one of the craters. When he smoked it, the world turned, and he could, as clear as Space, see the future.
India could not build a ship on its own to go and get the stones from where KingOfChaos was. It would not only break the alliance but also risk escalating the Space war, so they reached a diplomatic agreement between the consortium of countries. India will share the knowledge of the location of the ‘Chaos stones’ – the working title of those future seeing hallucinogen stones. They will build a ship together, and India will get a better share from the loot.
They live telecasted the event for millions of viewership across the Earth and the Moon colonies. Scientists debated the possibility of harnessing the stones for building time-travel machines. We have turned a stone in mastering time – said a news headline. There were many, claiming it to be God’s gift – a chance to be ‘ubermensch’. The Hippies were overjoyed, and they danced in the streets. After all, this was their chance to get ‘astral high’.
When they landed on Saturn’s Moon on the location KingOfChaos had given, it was just barren landscape of cold rocks. There were absolutely no stones, and the Moon was otherwise, utterly useless. It was all a multi-billion hoax mission. The world that day felt cheated by a mad man in a rocket.
Two Agents came rushing in and listened to the recording. One of them took the radio and said, “We are Agents B and C, we are not interested in mysterious non-existent stones, stolen space-junk – fuel cells, satellites whatever. You are a common thug gone Space. The day we catch you, I swear, I will have my fingers up your blackhole. You have caused me personally, such hardships.”
They waited, and they waited a little more. This time it took longer. When the radio message came, it started with loud banging noise and shrill human shouting, as though somebody was banging and scratching the table while shouting.
The broadcast followed. “You Idiots, you idiots!” he shouted. “Do you realise how far out I am? The first man to reach outer Space that’s what I am. Do you understand? I want my name engraved in history, not as a criminal, but as an explorer – The First Man to reach Outer Space – out of the milky way. The pressing matter at hand is quite secretive, and I will advise you to clear out and use headphones for this message. On confirmation, I will proceed.”
Both the agents had headphones, one of them said, “Clear! If you are going to go back to any of your bullshit, we will surely come after you.”
They waited even longer this time. One of the agents fell asleep in the chair. The other sat shaking his leg in anticipation. The traffic officers around them fought their own battles, some standing and instructing animatedly, while some sat and cursed on the phone.
“So here it is,” cracked the radio again. Then it paused for a couple of minutes and cracked again, “I have an extra-terrestrial, right in front of me, about one AU ahead.”
The agents looked at each other and started laughing. One of the agents said that out loud to the floor, many of the officers started laughing out loud too. They sent that laughter over as a message on the radio.
After a few minutes, the reply came. “You think I am joking? You think I am joking?”. The printer next to the agents began to whizz. The image was in black and white. It was also not very clear, but it showed a cigar-like object floating in Space.
The radio cracked, “that’s an image of type V or type VI civilisation airship. I have seen movement in it. It looks like it is standing there and observing the solar system.”
The officers crouched over the image for a few minutes. Agent A looked at B. Both nodded, and B picked up his headphones and sent another message – “Are you sure about Type V or VI? Because if it is so, they might know you are spying on them, you see fifth-dimensional beings can transcend Space and time. Have you also attained your fifth- delusional-hood, Guru KingOfChaos-anand?” They followed that again with loud laughter.
It was already five hours of up and down. The Officer looked around in anxiety, and the office was nearly empty. She needed another ladies room break. This time she had the agents to babysit. She strolled past them, excusing herself.
Just then, another message came – “Oh! Come on! You know what you are seeing. That must be, an alien. Can’t you see it or have your brains melted under bureaucracy? Can you guys consult somebody more intelligent or with a higher rank? Better still put them to me. You realise how far out I am. This time, what I am trying to tell you is legitimate. Ask the Queen of England. She would have traced my signal.”
The Officer strolled back in, and the agents were staring at her. Both the agents though had checked the distance of the signal first thing when they came in, but they also didn’t want to be responsible for believing a thief.
Agent A spoke, “Okay, let’s do this from the beginning. Let’s list your crimes for a moment. First, you did a grand theft auto of forty spaceships from around the world. To accomplish that, second, you let sixty prisoners out. Third, you destroyed and captured many Space assets. Forth, bluffing the country and taking part in seditious activities.
I am willing to overlook all this and am ready to give you a chance. Perhaps this time you are not trolling on your birth country. So here is a deal – We will forgive all your crimes and let you return to Earth. All you need to do is catch one and bring it to us. Just one living or dead.”
The whole office was now empty. The wait for the reply was even longer in the silence. Agents B and C, all they ever did was nod between themselves as though they telepathically understood each other.
“HEY! I need money, resources and of course the ability to come back to Earth as a free man. I think this information is worth more than that. I will also add that I am to be declared a hero.”
Agent B picked up the microphone. “I will give you all that, but all you need to do is just catch one for us.”
The Officer was puzzled. “How can you negotiate with a thief? More importantly, accept all his offer? We have been searching for him for so many years!”
“He won’t catch one.” Replied the Agent coolly.
“What if he does? “
“He won’t; he is just delusional.”
“How are you so confident? Last time you were the one to let him slip! “
“I let him slip? How dare you. In our 150 years of space travel, we haven’t got a single clue of alien life. We have reported on mega-structures and oddities using powerful telescopes, but those turned out to be weird stuff of space science and not aliens. We have had countless conspiracy theories, all of them baseless – Area 59 only researched on zombies, not aliens.
Fermi’s paradox still is relevant to this day. I am a firm believer that we are unique to this universe. So no, he is not seeing an alien, leave alone catching one.”
The Officer held back further questions.
The radio cracked – “This is essential intel, Mr whoever you are, what if the aliens decide to attack? Maybe they are looking for a host planet. I will see Earth’s destruction and perhaps head out to different galaxies. Maybe, I should talk to the Chinese or the Americans. Maybe, I will get a better bargain. Maybe, you will help me here – I will give you the coordinates to here, an excellent hiding place between the magnetic fields. From here on, you can take over. Bring the forces or make peace; it is your decision. All I want to do is sip a coconut by the beach on Earth as a free man.
I also don’t have anti-alien weaponry. Besides, I have a couple of friends, and their crafts are not nearly as good as mine. It will be impossible for me to catch one. Do you understand? Your next message should be a definite answer.”
Agent A Got up from his seat, took a walk and came back. He took the mic and said, “I don’t care what you are high on, all I care is some sleep. Do you know the incident of Oumuamua and how it went past Earth? It just maybe that!
This offer is what you get. You catch one, and we will grant you whatever you want. I think we are wasting time here. I will go ‘catch’ some sleep instead.”
The agents packed and left, telling the Officer to monitor the night. The Officer was too excited to sleep or go home with the suspense of an alien life form hanging. What if there are intelligent life forms beyond Earth? Way more powerful than us? What if KingOfChaos was right. She found his voice earnest, and he seemed to be replying without any slur, which may mean he is not using drugs or on drugs that do not make you slur.
There was no message for several hours. The Officer got bored of playing angry birds on her computer. She finally messaged – “I believe you, maybe you have alien life in front of you. Maybe I can help.” She did not expect a reply, but it came in a few minutes.
“What a surprise! The Queen believes in me, how honoured am I? But then your sympathy is of no use to me. You have no authority to give me what I want, so bugger off and leave me alone!”
“Hey, I wanted to ask you one thing though. How did you become a Space pirate? You know maybe I can have my ship to go around the universe, like you! See the vast expanse of the milky way. Capture satellites and blackmail companies and countries.” She sent that and waited. As expected after a few minutes, the reply came.
“Like me?” he asked, and a fit of laughter followed. “I can help you with that, what is the price you are willing to pay? Maybe, swear your allegiance to the Space pirate’s community. A community of pirates who have established a silk road between the nine planets. We have thousands of pirates roaming the solar system, selling and buying stuff.”
She replied, “Whoa! Space Pirate Community! Space shops? Wow! What do I have to do to swear my allegiance? Do I need to raise my hand above my shoulder and say Hail ‘The King’?”
His message came almost immediately –
“You have to please me if you understand what I mean! I can help you get a ship when all this is over. You can help me sip a daiquiri on a beach. You know if I catch an alien, it won’t be same again. All the countries will honour me. I will become the greatest Space traveller in the history of mankind. I will have any woman I want, you understand? But I will respect our allegiance. You will have my support in whatever you do in Space. You can be famous or run a Space shop or as you said, blackmail anybody!”
“So you want me to be your bitch? You men, the moment you get some space, you become a bloody pig. I guess you have had only pictures and video to look at all this time in Space! Maybe it’s all dry.
How do you plan to get an alien? Are you going to talk to them? Do you have weapons?”
She waited, and this time the reply took longer.
“Contrary to what I said, I do have a couple of EMP guns fitted. We have a rock breaker in another ship. I tried sending messages to all the other Space agencies, and I haven’t got a reply only a series of cacophonic laughter. So I will probably bargain with the aliens. Give them Earth, trade immunity and a prime real estate. If they have made it this far, I am sure they are an advanced race, they will understand.”
She replied, “What do you mean to give them Earth?”
There was no reply for the next few hours. The Officer placed her scarf on the floor and slept. In the morning, the agents came back and woke her up. There was no message. They waited all day, and there was no message.
A whole week went by, and there was absolute radio silence. The Officer sent a few messages, but there was no reply. It could well be called Helio-paused, and it was easy to assume that it was all some kind of unsurprising hoax.
A month went by, and meanwhile, the world and Space around it went on with its day.
Each country still fought for supremacy. In the past, space travel was fiercely fought over by the then USSR and the USA. Laika was the first dog sent to Space. They chose a dog because animals were the first choice for any experiment. That street mongrel showed conclusively; humans could also ’embark’ on the journey.
Yuri Gagarin, from the USSR, was the first man in Space. He successfully returned to Earth to die of a plane crash within just a few weeks.
Everybody knows the story of USA’s Apollo 11 and how it was a ‘giant leap for mankind’.
In the current times, it was a tripartite fight between three different space agencies – NASA, CNSA and ISRO.
India built the first spaceport that started a war of space research. The spaceport made ships that explored the solar system and brought back important minerals. The Indian Prime Minister who started it all became the world’s first trillionaire. He did so because the companies that supported him wanted new places to drill and new materials to sell. SO he started everything in his name, except he couldn’t rename ISRO because of the legacy.
The Chinese did space research slightly better than the others – The cost of freedom is laziness. The Chinese were still communist, so they weren’t free. They approached space science the way Joseph Stalin built the Kolyma Road to connect his gulags. They went on to build the first station on the Moon. The other country followed suit with what the Chinese sold them.
The Americans, on the other hand, conceptualised and built the quantum radio being used to communicate from the depth of Space. They sent bots out to the far reaches of the solar system that was now useful from the edge of the solar system. Every country pays the Americans for the use of this technology. The sheer scale of the project made them a monopoly.
In-between the Space race/wars, people still struggled to get jobs or food in most parts of the Earth. Most menial and repetitive tasks were already automated using AI and robots. There were only space jobs available. To work in Space, one needed a space degree in some form. That eliminated about seventy per cent of the possible work. With no job comes, hunger. While scientists happily sent turkey sandwiches and cheese into Space as experiments, produce was scarce on Earth due to the large-scale deforestation and loss of the eco-system.
Humans also are the most resilient parasites – They are tough to eradicate. They suck the life out of everything, and they are notorious in escaping their containment – We survived the snow, we tamed the sun, and we escaped the Earth’s containment boundary. We were also about to escape the solar system’s containment boundary.
The Officer became busy with her mundane space traffic analysis. Her daily routine involved coordinating different crafts to land and fly out of ISRO airbases. Identify and flag rogue ships and manoeuvre crewless cargo ships. She also played brainless games on her mobile whenever she was bored.
Just after a year, the printer next to the Officer started to whizz. Within minutes, there was an unclear fuzzy image of something. It followed with sheets of figure and statistics. Through the history of photography, all matters of mystery have only produced fuzzy photos of the subject, even with the most significant advancement in camera technology.
The source of the data was probably KingOfChaos. It came from the same region of Space. The Officer immediately sent those pictures to the Agents. The agents sent it to scientists. Within a few days, it was declared bogus. One of the scientists wrote – “How can a life form be made up of plastic? This data is insane and probably another troll.” One of the photos circulated in the offices was of an outline of the alien resembling Mattel’s He-Man toy.
This news leaked to the press, and it started a frenzy of news reporters in many news channels debating the topic of aliens visiting. Many argued that the government was conspiring against the people and that they had no security. A few believed that the leaders had struck a deal with the aliens and sold Earth.
There was heated discussion with religious leaders many claiming that it may be God himself – an avatar from heaven. Many atheists argued as to why it is God and not the Devil!
There were also candlelight marches for the equal treatment of the aliens and protests against experimentation on them.
Some people established hate clubs and made weapons that could shatter watermelons. Apocalypse nuts wrote articles on the systematic failure of the current human society. Majorly people did not know how to react.
Requests and petitions poured in from top restaurants and chefs for making delicacies of the aliens. Many restaurants named dishes after ships and the famous thief. KingOfChaos already became the legend he wanted to be.
That year many space companies planned to send their probe into Space, to the last known location of KingOfChaos. The government was reluctant but decided to participate in the search.
Another year passed in a frenzy, and the world could not decide on the existence of alien life. There were no indicators from the telescopes on Earth or the Moon. They only found rocks, and that wasn’t strange at all.
The Space Traffic Officer had moved on to playing candy crush when a loud alarm went off. The alarm was of a UFO breaching the Indian Space. She immediately responded.
“This is Indian Space Traffic Control, Identify yourself.” She announced in the radio in the known frequencies. There was no reply. “If you do not comply, we will have to use force.” She radioed again. She immediately pressed the alarm for the armed Space escorts and sent over the coordinates.
When the escorts reached the UFO, they found that it was an old ISRO ship that was heavily modified. It was very similar to KingofChaos’s stolen ship. There was also no response, and it seemed to hurtle on its own. After a few announcements, the armed escorts used a remote trigger to take control of the ship. They landed the ship safely in an isolated airbase.
When the black ops opened the ship, they found nothing, only a strange green plastic cover over everything – the cargo, the deck, the controls. Just below the deck, in the resting room, the soldiers found a life-size plastic statue of KingOfChaos lying on the floor. It was also green.
“It is all a joke!” Said the Chief of the black ops, “an elaborate prank by a self-absorbed nutcase. He 3d-printed his plastic statue as a troll. “
One of the soldiers took out the plastic cover over the controls on the main deck. The cover was like a type of tarpaulin covering the entire console. A light indicating the radio blinked. There was an unsent outgoing message. He called out to his Chief, and they played the audio –
Mayday Mayday Mayday! Abandon ship! It is a past crime of mankind catching up! We should never have invented plastic! It has evolved into a deadly life form in this vast radioactive emptiness of Space. Don’t let the ship near Earth, I repeat – destroy this ship as it comes near Earth. Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
The message repeated one more time. The Chief and the soldier looked at each other and laughed.
“What a shit show this is”, said the Chief to the soldier. He wanted to move out of the ship and check the markings on the body but he couldn’t. His legs weren’t moving, and they were slowly turning green. He looked at the soldier standing next to him, and his legs were also turning green and plastic. He looked around at the others, and they were turning plastic too. They desperately tried to move, and all of them fell to the floor with their weapons, screaming. Slowly the green plastic, covered all of them, muffling their shouts, and they all choked and died without firing a single shot at the enemy.
end.